Reluctance to use one's own body: the influence of childhood experiences

Unwilling to use their own body

If you are familiar with the eight reasons for not exercising listed above, you may know that some of these reasons are valid, while others are less valid and resist increasing your activity level.

Heather, 38, was referred to me by her doctor after repeatedly failing to lose weight. She agreed with almost all the reasons for not exercising and offered some justifications. She's a lawyer and a single mother of two, so time is very important to her. Her busy and unpredictable work schedule makes it impossible for her to exercise regularly. She also had back surgery a few years ago, which wasn't entirely successful, so she's understandably worried that anything she does will worsen her pain.

When I asked her about her exercise history, she said she had tried but gave up because it didn't work. She didn't lose weight and she hated sweating and feeling breathless.

While many of her reasons for not participating in sports were logical, as I learned more about her, some deeper reasons for her reluctance to participate became apparent. Because of her history of negative body imagery, she felt a weakened connection to her body. She viewed her body as an unpleasant entity, unfortunately attached to her "real self." Her personality, her intellect, her maternal feelings, and all other intangible qualities were what she truly possessed; the body was merely a means of getting around.

Heather felt uncomfortable with her body as a child. Her parents sometimes described her as "chubby" and considered her a "tomboy" because she spent as much time playing ball with the neighborhood boys as she did playing with dolls with the girls. Things changed in middle school. She developed earlier than most of her classmates and began to feel embarrassed, especially when boys noticed her fuller figure. She felt uncomfortable doing more running sports with boys and therefore spent more time playing with girls.

Heather particularly disliked gym class because she had to wear tight-fitting sportswear that accentuated her developing body. Over the years, competitions, sports, and physical activities that were once enjoyable parts of her life became tedious and unpleasant experiences she had to endure in gym class. In the process, the pleasure of enjoying her body was lost.

As Heather gained a deeper understanding of the reasons for her discomfort, she realized that many of her teenage anxieties were no longer valid. She no longer needed to wear gym clothes or worry about rude comments from young boys. While she wasn't interested in starting a formal sport at the gym, she rediscovered some joy in her body. She enrolled in a ballroom dancing class at an adult education center and rediscovered the pleasure of playing softball.

Think about your own experiences. Remember, certain aspects of physical activity are influenced by genetics. Compared to your classmates, you may have inherited a tendency towards inactivity. Besides your genetic code, your childhood experiences also contribute to your later inactivity. For example, your parents may not have set an example of active behavior or encouraged you to be active. You may not have received support to participate in sports or sports teams. However, genetics and parents are only the basic reasons for your reluctance to be active and your alienation from your body; your experiences with colleagues and social classes are equally important factors. Your physical intelligence will increase as you understand how you lost the natural joy of activity and are now beginning to rediscover the pleasure of enjoying your body.

Actually, you're not alone in hating PE. Oprah Winfrey recalls, "I always tried to avoid PE as much as possible. I sat on the sidelines or was afraid to participate." Before you had PE, did you participate in natural activities? Did you run, swim, bike, skate, dance, or participate in sports simply for fun, without feeling like you were doing something purposefully? If you remember being enthusiastic about activities, what happened that made you reluctant to participate? Obviously, you're no longer in school, so you don't have free time in the afternoons to go outside and play, but what else has changed? How have you lost the natural joy of enjoying your own body?

To help you answer this question, I've listed some common negative experiences that might make you feel alienated from your body:

Is it embarrassing when you don't perform well in a sport? For example, when you're out after three strikes or when you miss a ball in a baseball game.

Does sports involve social exclusion? When selecting team members, were you one of the last ones chosen? Or did your classmates ridicule your performance?

Do you feel uncomfortable participating in activities because your clothing draws attention to your body? For example, do you feel embarrassed wearing a bodysuit, swimsuit, or athletic shorts?

Do you ever feel embarrassed because you can't keep up with your colleagues? For example, during a group hike, when you stop to catch your breath, the others have to wait for you?

You feel nervous because you are the center of attention, everyone is watching you? For example, when you are playing basketball and it's your turn to shoot a free throw, you feel nervous because you know all the eyes in the stadium are on you?

Do you feel clumsy or out of sync because you can't do as well as others? Do you have trouble controlling your rhythm when jumping rope with other girls or when dribbling the ball to the basket?

Are you embarrassed when a sports teacher, coach, or other important adult criticizes your performance in front of a group of people?

Any of the above experiences might make you reluctant to participate in activities again. If you view sports or physical activities as experiences of failure, you might distance yourself from such activities and engage in other things. You might stop thinking about becoming a good baseball player, dancer, or swimmer, and instead turn to intellectual, musical, or artistic abilities. You begin to value these qualities and view physical activities as unpleasant and unsuccessful experiences. You see yourself as a smart or popular musician or artist, but at the same time, you see yourself as inactive, perhaps clumsy, weak, and lazy.